AntiValentine's Day
by Mr. Havik
Summary: Keeping in check the nature of the Mortal Kombat multiverse... Valentines just ain't their thing... atleast they tried, didn't they? Features randomness that can be expected from a four hour brainstorming.


Mr. Havik: "Oh yeah, you cunts probably had thought that I'd do a Valentine's Day special or some shit but that's where you are WRONG! This is Mortal Kombat, if you didn't realise it since 1992, and its all about everything that's against humanity, including love! The only thing relative to the heart and MK is Kano's fatality from the first game!"

Kung Lao: "But if I remember correctly, Deadly Alliance was released on Valentine's Day..."

Mr. Havik: "No it didn't-"

Kung Lao: "You can even see the commercials on the web..."

Mr. Havik: "..."

Kung Lao: "Oh my god, are we doing those crappy role-plays that most third-rate authors do during the start of their fic?"

Mr. Havik: **turns into 50 metre tall robot ninja dinosaur and stomps away**

Kung Lao: "Er... yeah. And on to the disclaimers..."

Disclaimer: I lol'd.

* * *

_**Anti-Valentine's Day**_

_**By Mr. Havik**_

Every year, on the fourteenth of the second month, the whole world celebrates a single event in a unified heartbeat: Johnny Bravo's birthday.

Oh and Valentine's Day.

But contrary to rejoicing over the beautiful matters of the heart, the warriors that are constantly entangled in the never-ending conflict between good and evil are forced to remain the outcasts of such a joyous day. Apparently so because the wars and the struggles they are destined to be part of never leaves them any time to fall in love. Either this, or infinite battles have rendered them soulless, hatred-filled beings. Some who have had the chance to love had to bear with the loss of their partners.

Such is the misery these combatants are made to live with.

But it was to be sooner or later that their loneliness would catch up with them, and they would realise that they just can't do without someone to shower their love upon and receive the same.

This Valentine's day became their chance, and a small number's mission to spread the love among all; enemies and allies alike.

Yet the question remains: Can the world of Mortal Kombat feel the love tonight?

Well, we'll see then, shall we?

* * *

_Firstly, lets follow everybody's favourite..._

"So... any special plans for tonight...?" Sub Zero queried, purposely sounding aloof to provide his rival with a lead. The Lin Kuei received a rather annoyed stare from the ninja. It was easy for Scorpion to catch on to what the other was implying, and frankly, almost all the time the blue-clad warrior meant something so awfully dumb he just had to punch him in the face. It was for his own good, really. But right now, the way Sub Zero dragged on "So", Scorpion knew idiocy was coming his way.

"If you think you can auction off my clothes like you did last time, I swear, I _will_ hurt you..." the spectre warned, at which Sub Zero released a heavy, somewhat exasperated sigh.

"No, not that!" he cried in dismay, and then, his eyes suddenly took on another mischievous look.

"You know I did that on a special occasion..." he cooed, prompting the ninja to do nothing more that to lift a brow in confusion.

"It was April Fools... remember...?"

"So what has that got to do with this conversation?" the golden ninja demanded, getting very short of temper.

"Don't you think there's something special about today?" Sub Zero almost cried, having tired of trying to make Scorpion realise that today was Valentine's Day. The kori warrior threw up his hands in frustration and stomped off after receiving no response from the other.

But of course, how could Scorpion consider this day as special in anyway, since his love and his family were no more?

Scorpion turned around and walked away in silence, not bothering to tell the Lin Kuei.

* * *

_Lets see how Valentines will be celebrated in Seido..._

"Attention, fellow Guardsmen dudes!" Hotaru called. His colleagues all turned around in unison to face the man, perched on a pedestal so that everyone could see him. It was exhausting how everything was kept so terribly in order within the realm of Seido. What was more painful that all the Guardsmen looked exactly the same. If Hotaru was to walk right into the crowd, it would be impossible to locate him; Seidan law required that all official personnels wear the same uniform and refrain from anything that might cause a differential between them; It was considered a crime that a Guardsmen exceed the given hair length, or even grow a stubble.

"Hey Hotaru!" a fellow officer called. "Looking tubular!"

"Thanks bro!" the man called. Directing his attention towards the crowd again, Hotaru unravelled a small scroll.

"Okay, dudes! Since everybody knows today's Seido's first ever Valentine's Day, The Man's given us some orders to carry out. Extra tasks have been assigned to our usual duty for today!"

"Dude! You totally said 'doody'!" another called at which, everyone laughed like stereotypical beach-bums. For anyone who would have thought that this laugh is annoying, its particularly scarring having to hear a thousand of the same, and all in glorified unison.

"OMG, like you are so totally right!" Hotaru cried. "But anyway, getting back to work..."

The man cleared his throat and then read from the parchment.

"All Guardsmen must keep in check that exactly one Valentines card of 10 x 10 inches is bought by exactly one male each. Females are forbidden from making such purchases. Exceptions can me made if they are purchasing lingerie or maxi-pads.

Roses with stems of an approximate length of 15 centimetres are allowed. No exceptions.

All Guardsmen must ensure that no one member of an established relationship is involved in another. If such a situation occurs, all members involved in the love triangle must be arrested at once and sentenced to execution.

One Guardsmen will be assigned to one couple, each. The pair must be observed at all times. The surveillance must be done at a distance of three metres from the couple. That way, it won't be called stalking.

Fornication is forbidden. If individuals are found fornicating, immediate arrest is warranted. The accused will then be sentenced to execution.

Gay couples must be arrested and sentenced to execution.

Married couples are allowed to indulge in sexual intercourse. The session must not exceed more that 15 minutes. All couples are to be informed of the time limit and should be advised to reach the climax within the given time limit.

To ensure whether the couple is married or not, check their relationship status on Facebook.

If either or both persons do not have a Facebook account, arrest is warranted, followed by a sentence to execution.

Lastly, when the couple engages in sexual intercourse, all Guardsmen are to refrain from recording the session. If any records or images are found, they will be immediately confiscated."

Looking back up to the crowd again, Hotaru quickly wound the scroll and placed it on the pedestal.

"Okay, dudes, we've got our instructions, so lets head out and make this the most totally awesome Valentines ever!" he cried. The sea of officers saluted and, following in single files, quickly dispersed.

* * *

_Looks like Mokap is having trouble finding his Valentine..._

"Um... Mr. Cage...?" Mokap fumbled, playing with his fingers as he quietly approached Johnny Cage, seated in his reserved "STAR" chair. The air was thick from the recent scene, where the crew had operated the smoke machine to give the effect of a dying fire. Even Cage's face was smeared with ash, and his skin dabbed with a wet cloth to make it look like he was perspiring from the heat. Although the scene was over, the action star did not bother to clean himself up; the man was too busy thinking about how well today's take went. His satisfaction was hinted by the large, dazzling smile he wore. Moreover, it seemed like he was too lost to even hear Mokap.

"Mr. Cage...?" he tried again, only louder. Thankfully, Mokap was successful in pulling Cage out of his trance and acknowledge his presence. The actor's head whirled around to see the meek motion capture artist staring back at him, giving him a very sheepish smile.

"Oh, hey! Mokap!" Johnny called, immediately standing up and dragging a nearby chair towards him. He sat down in his own chair and signalled for the other to make himself comfortable. Mokap quietly took a step towards the fold-up chair and settled down.

"Today's take went well, didn't it?" the younger man asked, his voice still low and meek. He was too shy to be frank around his crush.

"Oh, hell it did!" Johnny almost cried out with excitement. Mokap felt a rush of heat spread across his face as he saw the brightness of a child's in Cage's eyes. Although the star was considerably older than him, the energy that always sparkled in his eyes made him look years younger than he was right now. Johnny held the kind of charm that no one could help but be affected by it. Mokap found himself smiling wider now.

"This movie is gonna be a winner! I'm sure of it! I can almost hear Oscar asking me 'Where've you been at all these years?'" the action star had said, finding it hard to stay still in his chair. "I bet you're pepped up for the same reason..."

"More or less the same..." Mokap had said as he looked away, still smiling.

"Why... anything special...?" Johnny demanded, leaning out of his chair in curiosity.

"Well... its just how special today is-" the man had begun was cut off.

"Oh yeah, Valentines!" Cage cried, falling back into his seat. The star was too excited to bother to let Mokap finish his own sentences. "Found anyone special yet?"

Mokap lowered his eyes, blushing furiously now that the time was close to reveal his affections to his crush.

"I was going to ask-"

"What do you mean 'you were going to ask'?" the other demanded. "If you want to to say it to your sweetheart, say it right away before its too late!"

"But I was exactly-"

"Now I was lucky that no one had asked Sonya out yet!"

Mokap's smile quickly faded away.

"Or that's what she told me. I bet she turned down all the offers so she'd be available for me..." Johnny confided, smirking as he indulged in his own egotistic thoughts again.

As happy as Cage was right now, Mokap just couldn't feel the same. All these years he had idolised and admired the man, worked hard enough to just somehow wind up nearer to him, trained himself in the low-paid profession of a motion capture artist just to be closer to him. And what of the sacrifices he had made? He had fallen out with his father because his obsession with Cage had become the reason for his homosexuality. He had no friends, nor someone to love, because the only friend or the only lover he ever needed was Johnny Cage.

_The_ Johnny Cage.

Mokap cursed himself internally for ever thinking that a man like Johnny Cage would ever return his feelings for him, even if Mokap had said that he loved him. Cage was not like him. He would never be like him. And that was the truth Mokap would have to live with.

Cage would never love a man, let alone him.

Mokap desperately tried to refrain from letting the brimming tears run down his hot face. He adorned a weak, trembling smile to mask his despair. But Cage was not fooled. The moment he looked back up at him, he could easily spot pain stabbing his gaze.

"Hey... you... is everything all right?" the action star questioned, straightening himself in his seat. Mokap quietly nodded.

"I'm just so..." he almost choked, but took a short moment to compose himself. "I'm glad..."

With that, he got up from his chair and, saying a polite goodbye, walked out of the studio, leaving behind a very puzzled Johnny Cage still in his seat.

* * *

_And the Edenians...?_

"Hey Kitana?" Jade called.

The said woman looked up from her desk, upon which laid a very elaborate map of the Edenian realm. Putting down her scales and rulers, she lightly nodded, allowing Jade to continue.

"What's a Valentines?" she demanded.

She saw Kitana give her a rather blank gaze and then roll her eyes to her left in deep thought. She removed her glasses and set them down on the desk, now facing the distant wall behind the green-garbed female. Her slender finger reached for her chin, tapping it lightly as she struggled to provide Jade with her answer. She leaned back in her chair and turned her head towards the vast ceiling, murmuring as she continued her thought.

Jade simply stood in her place, sometimes shuffling her feet, or sometimes rubbing her arm to wait it out. She looked around the room, realising that it was largely unoccupied. Perhaps the only things present in the chamber were the two females and Kitana's desk, laden with tools for measurement and all assortments of strategical maps littered about the face of the table. The walls of the room had lit torches mounted on them, and not few in number. In fact, if one would stand at a distance, one would think that the whole perimeter of the room was lined with a glowing strip. But despite the sufficient light, Kitana had placed a candle on her desk.

It was not often Jade bothered her friend with such trivial questions. But it seemed this Valentines was all the rage in the entire kingdom. It was something the people of the Earthrealm were celebrating this day, and as the fad caught on, the Edenians too decided they should be a part of the festivity. But the trouble was, no one was sure what this Valentines was, or what it was about. Nonetheless, people enjoyed the day the way they preferred to; extravagant feasts and bonfires... there was a variety of methods to make merry.

Most people, though, assumed it was a day to honour the gods. The red colours that so decorated the Earthrealm perhaps signified blood sacrifice, and so today was a wide spread slaughter of cattle amongst those who could afford to keep the animals. Jade herself had just come back from a sacrifice ritual, but confused as to what exactly this Valentines was, had quickly returned to the palace to ask her question from Kitana.

So far, she was yet to receive an answer.

Jade turned her eyes towards her friend once again, who was still staring up at the ceiling. Finding the silence too awkward, she felt it best to break it.

"Kitana?" she urged, at which the Princess sighed and straightened herself again. Putting her reading glasses back on she gave a shrug and a shake of her head.

"I have no idea..." she confessed and then went back to reading her maps. Shrugging as well, Jade exited the chamber.

* * *

_Kahn too..._

"Oh Kah~n!" the brutal Emperor heard her coo and turned his gaze in her direction. In the doorway, clad in odd lingerie stood his wife, Sindel, striking a painful pose. The woman had wrapped a feathery pink scarf around her bare shoulders, which she callously whipped around as she made her way towards him, intentionally sticking out her legs to make her walk look absolutely seductive. Kahn almost slipped out of his throne at the sight; he didn't know what in hell was keeping him rooted there. Could it be fear, perhaps?

Nonsense!

Shao Kahn doesn't know the meaning of fear!

But neither did he know the meaning of this!

"I'm feeling _sexy_ tonight!" Sindel purred, reaching for her breasts and fondling with them. "And I want you with me!"

"W-... what?" Kahn had tried to say, but the words only managed to escape as a stifled whimper.

The woman strutted over to his table and swept everything off of it with her hands. Kahn was dismayed as he watched a priceless vase crash against the concrete floor. Sindel, though unaware of his displeasure, quickly mounted herself on top of the desk and swung her fluffy scarf around the man. She pulled him close, completely oblivious to the loud gulp he just made.

"This time..." she groaned. "I want it rough..."

She took a hold of his helmet and tossed it over her shoulder. Kahn had yelped a small "Help..." before being pulled down on the table by his wife.

When Sindel had taken her new born son to meet her older sister nine months later, Kitana had simply sighed in annoyance.

* * *

_And looks like even the Tarkatan pair are celebrating in their own way..._

It was impossible to love Baraka.

It wasn't because he was too distant from her. Or because he was almost always involved in so many battles like her that he'd have the time for his woman.

The real problem was their visage.

It was strange that the two had fallen in love because they were alike; Mileena always believe Baraka the most handsome thing in the world, and her man thought of her more beautiful than Kitana. More beautiful than the gods. And yet, what drew them close kept them so far apart.

As they stood together in the empty field, entangled in an embrace, Baraka ran his hands through her hair. The two leaned in, hoping that somehow they would be able to feel each other's kiss, but their natural deformities would not allow it.

As Mileena cried, all Baraka could do was hold her closer.

This warm embrace was now their kiss.

* * *

_The Saurian race... is doomed..._

"PLANT YOUR CHILDREN IN ME!" Khameleon cried, chasing after him with arms spread wide.

"LEAVE ME ALONE!" Reptile had bellowed, ducking under a low branch and hoping off a ledge with the crazed Saurian female close behind him.

* * *

_The day just can't get any worse for Sonya..._

**[CALL]**

"Hey, who is this?"

"Whadya mean who's this? You're the one who called me! And how the hell did you get this frequency?"

"Oh... I thought I called Otacon... God... I can't think straight..."

"Otacon?"

"... Just some guy..."

"I can't believe you actually got my frequency by accident..."

"Yeah... I'm kinda good at making accidents..."

"Who are you anyway?"

"Uh... I don't know if I should tell you... I'm not on my job right now..."

"Job?"

"I work for the CIA... But that's all you'll get out of me right now..."

"CIA, huh? I'm in the Special Forces."

"Special Forces... never really liked those pricks..."

"You calling me a prick?"

"Depends... If you got a rough attitude..."

"That's what my friends tell me."

"If you have friends, then its a different story..."

"Say, you didn't tell me your name."

"You sound like you're really bored, if you want to know my name..."

"Yeah... just came back from a terrible date..."

"So you got a boyfriend...?"

"I wouldn't say boyfriend. He asked me out, just to see where we'll go from there... but he's too obnoxious to for my tastes..."

"Oh..."

"You have a girlfriend...?"

"I... really don't know... haven't heard from her in ages..."

"How come? She left you?"

"No... I didn't try talking with her I guess. Haven't had a decent conversation with anyone yet..."

"What about this one?"

"I'm pretty drunk right now, so I really don't know what I'm talking about here..."

"Had a rough time?"

"In rehab..."

"What for...?"

"Post Traumatic Stress Disorder..."

"Oh... so you're a field agent..."

"I'm hoping I'm no longer soon..."

"Why?"

"Too tired... I've had more than I could have handled."

"Yeah. You sound kinda coarse too... Got a cold...?"

"No... I guess I just sound like that..."

"Smoker, huh?"

"... Yeah..."

"Think its time to quit?"

"God, why does everyone tell me that?"

"It ain't healthy, that's why..."

"Heard that alright..."

"So... what's your name?"

"You really want to know?"

"Yeah."

"Tell me yours first then..."

"Sonya Blade..."

"Oh..."

"Now you."

"Uh... I'm not sure... can I tell you my field name instead?"

"That's not fair you know... Tell me both then..."

"Uh... Snake..."

"And you're real name?"

"... Gotta go..."

"Hey wait-!"

* * *

_And lastly..._

Baby... I know how much it hurts you. I know why you try to hide those tears... but baby... there's no way you can hide them from me. No matter how hard you try to make yourself stronger in front of me, I know that there's just something thing deep down inside your soul that's eating you away. And I can't stand watching you fall like that. I cry with the same hollowness as do you... Baby... I'm here for you. I was meant to be the wind under your wings, the breath in your lungs, the wind through your hair.

And you are my heartbeat, my memories, my mind, my sight and my soul.

Baby, you are my everything, and I try so hard to be the same for you...

I'll catch you everytime you'll fall... I'll be there for you... come rain or war...

Baby... I don't know if you know this, but at least I do... and I'm sure of it...

Baby... I love you...

So will you... be my Valentine... from this day and onwards...?

Will you be my eternal Valentine?

~ Havik

* * *

A/N: Little notes for douchebags who couldn't get certain things:

Valentines day is also Johnny Bravo's birthday.

Mokap is the only official homosexual character in the game.

Edenian culture is really not the same as Earthrealm's, so I assumed they don't know shit about Valentines.

Sindel was also not aware of the speciality of today. She just felt horny XD

Sonya received a call from Metal Gear Solid's protagonist Solid Snake. His real name is David.

Havik is a sick fuck...

I was also going to do a little story on Raiden and Amaterasu (known Shinto goddess of the Sun) but I thought it might have been offensive to Shinto believers, hence, I scrapped it.

Okay, that is all for today. Read, enjoy and review if you have the time.

Kthnxbai


End file.
